I think I've mentioned before that I teach writing to teens once a month. Do you want to guess what the #1 thing they need to work on it? Paragraphs!
My teens have the "sound" of books in their head, but they usually wrote everything in 1-2 paragraphs. One EASY tip for writers that not everyone realizes is the more white space on the page the better. Here is what Stephen King has to say about that.
"Observe the pattern--the lines of type, the margins, and most particularly the blocks of white space where paragraphs begin or leave off.
You can tell without even reading if the book you've chosen is apt to be easy or hard, right? Easy books contain lots of short paragraphs-- including dialogue paragraphs which may only be a word or two long--and lots of white space."
Stephen King, King on Writing, p. 123
Thinking about this, go back an look at your book. Is there a lot of white space? Is it easy to read? Do the paragraphs look overwhelming or friendly on the page???
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